cosmo girls

Cold Play: God Put A Smile On Your Face

I know that a good portion of my readership is female (based solely on the number of comments/email I receive from women). I can’t lay claim to having any understanding why that is since I think that I am about as sensitive as a concrete floor. Perhaps it has to do with my no nonsense advice or my vast knowledge of women’s shoes. I try not to think about why I am popular with the ladies for fear that whatever mojo I may have will disappear if I look at it too closely.

One thing I do know about women though is they should never read any magazine that offers advice on how to live their life or manage their careers. For instance, any women who reads cosmo and actually BELIEVES any of the shit in that piece of shit magazine deserves the pain and misery that rains down upon them as a result.

Now, reading that shit for entertainment purposes is all well and good. My GF just recently got a bunch of free/cheap magazine subscriptions and one of them was cosmo. She reads it, but she also understands that most of the excrement in that magazine is based in version of reality that is shared by tabloid magazines with pictures of bigfoot and elvis drinking lattes in a starbucks in Bangladesh on the cover.

But… there are some women who actually read the articles in cosmo and actually believe that stuff… CHRIST ON A FUCKING RITZ! As hard as it is to believe, there are some people who either have no understanding of context or simply think anything with professional typesetting is gospel truth.

My previous relationship was with a woman who read those articles and took the advice. I can tell you that everytime I saw one of those magazines laying about the house, I cringed knowing that at some point, she would ask me something that was prompted by some literary garbage printed in that magazine. More often than not, whatever it is that the magazine told her to say/ask me prompted an argument because I did not answer her question in the way that the magazine said a good significant other should answer. Worse yet, all her buffalo-assed girlfriends read the magazine and chimed in with their advice on relationships (given that all her buffalo-assed girlfriends were single, why she would consider their advice as valid is beyond me) based on the magazine articles.

Ladies, please… if you are reading this, stop reading that crap or if you insist on reading that garbage, don’t bother your significant other with the dog shit information you find in the magazine. Your relationship will be happier and healthier.