The One About 100 Things

Listen to music while reading this post?

UPDATE: You really should check out MonkeyMusic… I’ve made some revisions to the code as well as cleaning up the Flash files to improve performance. Click it, check it & love it!

There are tons of people who have one of those revealing “100 Things About Me” posts. I had one in previous incarnations of this site. For the most part, they’re interesting until the person developing them gives up and starts making shit up. I began thinking that it would be better if I just developed a post detailing 100 Things About My Readers based on comments, links, referring URLs, and random stats I’ve culled from the 10,000 K visits this blog has generated over the last 5 years. So here are some initial thoughts on… 100 Things About My Readers:

1. My readers are oftentimes creepy, stalker types who don’t comment on my posts. I’m not sure if this is attributable to fear of piquing my ire or complete agreement with my views.
2. They seem to like keyword phrases like “Macauly Culkin Arrested,” “Jenna Malone Naked,” and “Pictures of Monkeys Getting Kicked!”
3. One out of every Five readers who chew gum prefer the Monkey Diaries to Trident.
4. They would most likely hug a tree before pissing on George W. Bush were he on fire. Unless they’re from Texas in which case they would most likey hug George W. Bush before pissing on a tree were it on fire.
5. They typically are women except in situations where they clearly are not.
6. 86% of my readers prefer vague uncertifiable stats over hard, cold facts.
7. Many of my readers get sick on rollercoasters, but not when hogtied in the trunks of their cars while traveling along bumpy country roads.
8. 100% of my readers were born somewhere.
9. Readership is divided evenly among those who like my random thoughts and those who also like my random thoughts.
10. A good number of my readers have cowboy boots, yet NONE of them have actually ever been cowboys this side of their childish fantasies.
11. Many of my readers mutilate their bodies for various reasons not including oberservation of aboriginal rituals.
12. A good portion of my readership suffers from some form of gastrointestinal malady that is NOT related to the content of this blog. Or so they say.
13. 99% of my readers use either their left hand or right hand. One reader threw off the goal to reach 100% saturation by claiming she had no hands.
14. The combine IQ of my readership hovers in the low 100s.
15. Most of my readership thinks I’m a pompous ass.
16. Most of my readership will have to look up pompous before agreeing.
17. 10 readers have very strong opinions about pet clothing.
18. 105 people have sent me requests for advice.
19. 43% of my readership did poorly in high school, but know a great deal about drinking games.
20. 80% of my readership is under the influence of some narcotic while reading this blog.