Inherently Different


A few weeks ago the Web was astir with conjecture about the identity of the breasts being sold on E-Bay. Well, actually, the breasts themselves weren’t for sale, just the space overlooking the prodiguous, if not slightly leathery, cleavage. The auction claimed that the cleavage belonged to a celebrity. Now, I dislike liars more than just about anyone else, but my dislike for exaggerators is without peer. This hag is about as much a celebrity as say, the Taco Bell chihuahua. Well, actually, the Taco Bell chihuahua is an even bigger celebrity since the dog is at least famous for something remotely in the realm of “entertainment.” The clues given included:

CLUE# 1: This mystery celebrity HAS NEVER been affiliated with nor worked in the porn industry. (arguable once you know the identity of the “celebrity” in question)

CLUE# 2: Most everyone on eBay knows this mystery celebrity! (notice how the “celebrity” is limited to an auction site)

CLUE#3: This mystery celebrity hails from a celebrity family. Her grandfather was a movie director, grandma was a radio personality, and Dad is an actor/comedian. She had a an uncle who was a famous movie star but died in a motorcycle accident. A cousin is a famous actor/singer married to an also famous actress/singer. (I once had an uncle who was friends with the guy who once was a cellmate of the great grandson of the second cousin of Fattie Arbuckle! Does that make me a celebrity?)

CLUE#4: This mystery celebrity is older than Britney, younger than JLo.
(between 25 – 35 years old) (well that narrows it down some. now there are only 16.5 billion women who fit this particular criteria!)

CLUE#5: This mystery celebrity first appeared on TV at the age of 9. She also auditioned for “ANNIE” when she was 10 years old and was one of the TOP 3 choices. (the local news in bumfuck Egypt does qualify as “TV,” but as with every other claim, an exaggeration of the truth. as far as auditioning for annie… so did I! once again, a local stage production of annie is not really that big a deal is it?)

Now, any and all of these things maybe arguably true… the one thing all of them have in common is they are incredible stretches of truth. The winning bid was $7,875 and wouldn’t you know? The winning bidder renegged… why? Because the “celebrity” was about as famous as the local toothless hooker I’d see all the time down in the Tenderloin when I lived in San Francisco.

It’s, or as she was known before she legally changed her name, Teresa Ilagen… her biggest claim to fame is that she is the cousin of “eighth-rate” pinoy actor Jay Ilagen. While I’m sure lots of people watch Pinoy Cinema, it doesn’t mean it has value as an artistic artform. If you’re a Pinoy actor/actress, you’ve got about as much pull as a door handle at home depot… you’re a dime a dozen in other words… Heck, millions watch and love Bollywood Movies, but they’re still crap… I’d rather watch back-to-back episodes of Full House than just 15 minutes of a Bollywood movie. A Pinoy film? I’d rather slit my eyeballs with razorblades and squirt them with lemon juice… Anyway, the local fame and international fame gained from appearing in either Bollywood or Pinoy cinema are a far cry from true celebrity… and while it might make you a star on a tiny island in the pacific or in the rural cow-worshipping grasslands of India, it does NOT by any stretch of the imagination, make you a celebrity in the US.

And legally changing your name to advertise a gambling website is not “controversial” it’s just plain fucking sad. Like her ugly mug. Sad, sad, sad. In a pathetic, “I wish I were famous” way.

And while I’d like to claim that I figured it out, someone else figured it out long before I even cared.

13 thoughts on “bust”

  1. uhh, bollywood is a larger film industry than hollywood is. so i dont know where you’re getting that from. strikes me as, er, kind of…. dare i say it? racist?

  2. Bollywood makes more films than the Hollywood does (and a larger film industry doesn’t necessarily make it better)… but that doesn’t mean that any of the films being produced are any good… and calling a film crap doesn’t make me racist.

    A racist statement would be calling people from India inferior, which is not something I believe, nor is it a statement which you will find in my post. What you will find is me stating that Bollywood movies (and the industry that produces them) are inferior to the films of the US… and the UK… and Russia… and Italy… and Australia… and Japan… Hong Kong… China… Heck, just about every other country that has discovered celluloid. Hell, inferior to just about any form of entertainment that is more complex than banging two rocks together!

    Jen, people will see what they want to see… perhaps you wish to read some racist remarks about India?

  3. umm, I don’t wish to lower the tone but aren’t her breasts an odd shape? They look rectangular to me. Rectangular breasts are wrong. I will accept that maybe I’ve been looking too hard and too long and my eyes might have gone squinty.

    How can anybody not like “Dil Se” ? The songs! The dancing! The compulsory wet saree scene! I lived on Bollywood for 4 years, by year 2 was completely converted..Actually, you want to see bad south asian movies then see a Lollywood ( Lahore) movie. little wonder everyone in Pakistan had their TVs tuned to pick up indian channels..

    Ohh, and before we get too “sizeist” doesn’t the porn industry make more profit ( @ $ 10 billion) per annum than Hollywood? Don’t think much of the plots though…:p

  4. I personally don’t find any value in the films and as I stated, millions disagree with me… my argument lies in the idea of celebrity… all I am stating is that you can be famous in the Philipines or in India and be virtually unknown to the outside world. Now, the most famous Bollywood personality (and most recently named “Most Beautiful Woman On The Planet)Aishwarya Rai is gaining celebrity outside of Bollywood… not because of a bollywood film she made, but because she was a co-star Bride & Prejudice (a western film with bollywood underpinings).

    Bollywood movies are crap. The reason why they are popular is two fold… the first reason is that people in India are starved for entertainment consequently, just about anything that is made especially for them will be popular… secondly going to the cinema in India is decidely less expensive than it is in the rest of the world… anyone, even a dirt farmer, can afford the price of admission. You don’t have to be selective at all… you can see everything that comes down the poop shoot that is Bollywood’s distribution channel for mere pennies on the dollar!

  5. whatever. i would think someone who heralds from white america’s favorite people to look down upon would have a little bit more cultural sensitivity, but apparently not.

  6. cookie, how exactly am I being culturally insensitive? Do you believe my opinion of Bollywood movies is culturally insensitive? Since you seem to be incapable of discerning between the two opposing ideas, let me spell it out…

    I have nothing against the people of India. They are every bit as intelligent, physically adept, emotionally deep, and culturally equal to any people on this planet. But their cinema SUCKS ASS! There is nothing culturally insensitive about that statement. You need to get outside more… I think all the time you’ve spent indoors, secluded from the world, is causing you to go stir crazy.

  7. i need to get outside more!? i’m not the one that chose to move to a secluded island 80 or so miles wide separated by entire oceans from the rest of america!

  8. Nope… I never close, remove, prevent comments… that would go against everything I believe in…

    Er, unless it is comment spam… in which case, all bets are off…

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