Warning: If you are easily offended (or so self-obsessed that you think the author is writing about you specifically) don’t read this post. In fact, go here, where you will be distracted by the pretty colors, fascinating shapes, and cute sounds. That way, the bubble you live in won’t be burst by that evil thing known as reality.
Sometimes people do or say things that just drive you completely nuts. It could be a neighbor who mows his lawn every other Sunday at 6 am, or it could be your sister-in-law who gives you government surplus cheese she steals from the foodbank she volunteers at, or it could be your significant other who talks during your favorite TV shows or at the movies.
Some of us are more tolerant than others and handle these situations like a patient parent who doesn’t want to ruin the child’s budding self-esteem. I am not one of these people. I tend to respond in a highly incendiary manner… which is to say that I’ll throw a few F-bombs out there just to see where they stick.
I like to believe I’m a patient person. I’ve worked four different Special Olympics in Southern California, dealing specifically with people whose main form of communication is throwing handfuls of shit at passersby. I should be fucking sainted! The fact is I know how to count to ten when I’m frustrated and now how to diffuse my own anger. But for some strange reason, I have very little tolerance for certain types of behavior. I… just… can’t… do… it!
If I encounter a stranger doing something that is slightly less than rational, I can look the other way… ignore them completely, in fact. If I know them and know also that they have an IQ well above that of a handful of sand, I can get pretty annoyed. I guess I just expect people to function with more intelligence than a boiled turnip, but when they don’t, I lose it… well, at least I’m at a loss as to how best to proceed.
Sure, some of you might say, “Fuck E, that’s pretty fucking lame… mean… insensitive… blah… blah… snivel… whine!” If those particular labels don’t fit or don’t do your particular brand of outrage justice, choose your own favorite passive aggressive word and let ‘er rip. Of course, I tend to think with my brain and not with my dick or my ovaries, so I’m a bit different than a lot of people. That said, I also know that the problem isn’t the people around me… it is me. I’m big enough and smart enough to understand that. I sometimes lay in the dark and wish for some event that changes me forever. In fact, I wish that I might suffer some form of brain damage in some horrific event… At this point, I wouldn’t mind if it was extremely painful. Something to make the wheels in my head to spin slower… then at least I would be more in tune with the world around me…
The only time one is allowed to mow the lawn at 6am on a Sunday is when you have binge drinking frat boy neighbor vermin who have no concept of responsibility or other’s lives and party loudly all week long until 4am (which is 30 minutes before you actually have to get up to go earn your living).
Not that I know anything about binge drinking frat boy neighbor vermin or mowing the lawn at 6am to be a dick.
Reality is all cause and effect for me.
I have never heard of anyone thinking with their ovaries. That is pretty weird. My ovaries have nothing to do with it. . .do they?
You need to find a Mr. Miagi or Yoda to help you control you lightning-fast F-bomb reflexes, unless, of course, the recipients really deserve your ire. A well placed F-bomb can be awfully effective…
Thinking with Your Dick/Ovaries = using emotion rather than intellect to make decisions…
Huh? I always make decisions based on emotions. I gather all the required information, scrutinise it and then think ” fuck that, I hate it!” and make a decision based entirely on a set of irrational prejudicies, likes and dislikes.
and Im willing to bet a silver shilling that you, MrE!, do the same…:)
Hmmm… I wish, truly, that I did, but I don’t. I am about as unemotional as they come. The Red Queen would even suggest that I am dead from the neck down since my heart seems to pump blood, but little else.
I make decisions completely based on rational thoughts. I survey a situation and act quickly and decisively. Even if it means doing something I don’t want to do, I’ll do it if it is the best possible solution to a particular problem.
The topless thing and cheerleader skirt is therefore based on rational analysis of your situation ? What particular problem is that a logical response to? We MUST be told! :p
HAHAHAH… um, I was being facetious… based on the idea that you were doing the same. Your comment prompted a similar comment in the hope that I too might elicit a laugh, but I guess I was mistaken…
So..you mean we cant swap dresses?
Anyway, Im becoming confused with the comments on comments on different blogs. Assuming that your post was serious and not facetious..you surprise me. Sure, I make rational decisions about emotionally neutral stuff ( work mainly) but around things that are personal I would always go with emotions.
I’m just not an emotional person. I’m pretty rational 99.9% of the time. Even when I’m angry, I’m rational.
Case in point? Let’s say I’m beating the stupid out of someone? I’m thinking, “A swift open hand to the throat to cut off his air supply… bring arm back, pull straight, drop elbow to dislocate his arm… grab hair, lift head, drive head down into pavement, repeat as necessary…”
That’s what’s going through my mind… not, “gee, I hope this guy doesn’t die on me… that would be sad… probably make little baby jesus cry… wow, that’s a pretty shade of red… reminds me of sunsets in LA, which I love…”
Oh no, same problem happens to me.. I always wish the people who piss me off wouldnt breed so they wouldnt fuck up the gene pool any more than it is already.
but wait. . if a guy is thinking with his dick is that his emotions or his libido? If a woman thinks with her ovaries. . .I still just don’t know how that would work. wow there I go overanalyzing it. . .ah-hah I am thinking with my ovaries aren’t I? oh man am I being annoying today or what?
hahaha, no more annoying than one would expect under the circumstances (the circumstances being you commenting on a post by an avowed asshole).
To be clear though… men who think with their dicks are under the influence of lust. Women who think with their ovaries are thinking under the influence of compassion… a motherly emotion if ever there was one.