In the previous post, Dawn was curious about my reference to infidelity. I used infidelity in my analogy to child rearing, but I equate everything to an understanding of principle over mechanics. For instance, you don’t need to own a tiger to know that a tiger could kill you. My analogy was directed from that viewpoint. I’m often faced by people who think they know better than I do just because they have first hand experience. While they may have a unique perspective, that is a conceited way of thinking. A doctor knows about cancer without ever needing to actually contract cancer to understand it.
I study people. I can, 9 times out of 10, figure someone out in just a few minutes of interacting with them. I know what they want, why they want it, and more importantly, whether or not they’d compromise their morals or belief systems to get it. This analytical skill grew from my experiences as a child. I watched my mother cheat on my father… later, I was able to see the signs of infidelity in the women I dated.
To be honest, I’m curious about the motivations that drive people to cheat. Of course I understand the physiology, but not the psychology. Two of my friends have recently discovered their significant others have been cheating on them and I find myself wondering about it all.
First, I know how destructive infidelity can be and have no wish to participate in any endeavor that causes someone that kind of anguish. I have been in three relationships that ended because of infidelity. In each case, they told me that they needed more from me than I was willing to give. I have dated one woman who was cheating on her boyfriend… of course, as soon as I found out, I ended the relationship. So I have seen infidelity from two of the three perspectives and think I have a pretty good handle on that topic without actually ever cheating myself.
Second, I’ve read that cheaters form connections with various people through emotional, physical, or mental channels, and can’t control how these connections manifest themselves. I guess I can understand that sentiment up until the pants come off and uglies start bumping.
Back to my friends. The first was married for going on 10 years. The second isn’t married, but has two children with the cheater. The friends are, of course, women and the cheaters, men. In both cases, the guys needed to weave an extraordinary web of lies to cover the infidelity. Since both of the cheaters in this example have been caught, it is clear that lies like this will eventually catch up to you and the truth will come out.
I guess that is part of the allure of cheating, though… I mean, the idea that you are doing something wrong makes it all the more exciting. As for me, it all just seems like too much work for a piece of ass. I’m lazy and anything that requires extra effort on my part isn’t all that attractive to me. I still believe that cheating is nothing more than seeking something outside the relationship that you can’t get inside of a relationship. Whether that is some form of deviant sex or more emotion or more compliments or more affection, a cheater often justifies their action by saying it is the other person’s fault for not giving them what they need/want. Or maybe they don’t justify it, but just do it because they can.
So… have you ever cheated? I mean, even thinking about someone else in a romantic or physical sense is cheating to a certain degree. The moment you start to look outside of your mutually exlusive relationship for fulfillment, are you cheating? Or is cheating just sex outside of the relationship? I’m interested in what you all think.