search & destroy

From: XXXXXXXXXXXX@XXXXXXXX.com
To: monkeydiarist@gmail.com
Date: Oct 10, 2005 7:51 PM (REVISED DATE)
Subject: You Fucking Scum

This is in response to your misguided attack on PETA from your most recent post. I’m one of the good people who believe the work that PETA does is not only important, but among the most humanitarian pursuits possible.

Your ignorance is apparent if you think there is anything wrong with supporting PETA. It is "Dumb Fuckers" like you who should be wiped from the planet.

I get lots of email from people who disagree with the things I write. Often times the biggest collection of anti-monkey hate mail comes after I post something about PETA, vegans, war, or dumbfuckers in general… you’d think with all the animals that need saving, PETA amd vegans would be too busy to exert the necessary energy required to change my view. Of course, most of these people are absolute crackpots who wear tinfoil hats to keep the government from listening to their thoughts. I digress.

What do I have against PETA (and by extension, vegans?), let me count the ways…

1. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals targets six years olds for conversion to their cult with violent and graphic propaganda. In a world in which parenting coalitions sue record companies, motion picture companies, and book publishers for the graphic content of their products, the fact that no one has yet sued the tofu underwear off of these fucking tree hugging hippies defies logic.

2. PETA promotes a vegan lifestyle as yet another way of protecting the animals who so frequently find themselves on our menus. The vegetarians of Southern India eat a low-calorie diet very high in carbohydrates and low in protein and fat. They have the shortest life span of any society on Earth, and their bodies have an extremely low muscle mass. They are weak and frail and the children clearly exhibit a failure to thrive. Besides, I’ve kicked the living shit out of a number of vegans and have yet to suffer even a torn hangnail as a result; proving that a vegetarian lifestyle is dangerous to your health.

3. PETA is a business. It makes much more money than it spends, which is counter to the idea of how a non-profit operates… It made $29 million through donations from idiots like the one who emailed me. The ads they create, the celebrity endorsements they receive, the magazine space they take out, the air time for their commercials is also donated… where does all that money go? Either the only thing they pay for is the hookers, heroin, and midget wrestlers for their wild parties, or someone is drawing a rather hefty salary.

4. But lets say that the money is used to further the cause, does that include protecting arsonists, eco terrorists, and common thugs from prosecution? PETA pays for the legal defense of the jackasses who get caught firebombing laboratories, releasing domesticated animals into the wild, and throwing paint on unsuspecting fur wearers.

To be clear, I think anyone who abuses animals for gratification is a fucking nutter. But I think anyone who eats animals is just doing what mother nature intended. As far as the poor living conditions of animals as they wend their way through the rending factories, it is one of the drawbacks of living in a world in which food must be "manufactured" on a large scale to support the society. So, theoretically, if you want to save a cow from becoming a happy meal, stop fucking. The only way to rid our planet of factory farms is by preventing population growth. Who wants to shag a skinny fucker anyway?

It goes against the very design of the human body to avoid eating meat. PETA uses celebrity spokesmorons and propaganda to force others into following their chosen lifestyle. I see nothing different between muslim extremists and PETA… they both use violence to force adherence to their ideals. I don’t mind if you choose to live by an irrational collection of rules so long as you don’t try to force me to believe the same fairytales you base your existence on.

And as a public service to anyone who wishes to disagree with me, make sure you don’t send me an email from your work account. I can make your momentary lapse of muscular coordination incredibly painful for you and your IT people.

NOTE: Date edited. As pea pointed out, the date’s didn’t jibe, but that is my fault. The original message was sent to my AOL email addy (calsnoboarder) and I just faked the header by copying and pasting from another email. Oooh, that pea… always one step ahead of me.