Kihei, HI 96753

I’ve been here since Thursday. I’ve had intermittant internet access for a few days but to be honest, these people seem to be stuck in a time warp. You can’t possibly image how hard it is to find high-speed access on this island. I finally had to discuss the situation with a local I-Net provider. The conversation went something like this…
ME: So, high-speed for your company means any connection that’s 56K or better?
Local Internet Guy (LIG): Bruddah. You on Maui now, yeah? You on island time now, yeah?
ME: What the holy kamole does that mean?
LIG: You be patient, yeah?
ME: Look, you promised me that I could get access in 24 hours or less.
LIG: 24 Hour long time bruddah. Long time on da island, yeah?
ME: What the fuck you keep saying “Yeah” after every fucking sentence? Are you retarded?
[click]

Apparently, they don’t like it when you cuss at them. I think he’s sending over a few pipe-hitting Somoans on over to hammer me into a bag of poi with the DSL Modem. This island living thing might be really fun.

UPDATE: Access might be difficult to come by if I keep alienating every customer service rep I come into contact with. I might have to resort to buying a handful of pigeons and send people little notes scratched onto postit notes.