The One About The Monkey Diarist

100 Things You Should Know About Me…

100. English is my second language.

99. My favorite actor is Bruce Willis.

98. I started this site out of boredom.

97. According to the Weschler IQ scale, my IQ is 126.

96. I spent time in a Mexican prison. Seriously.

95. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was younger.

94. My favorite color is blue.

93. In highschool I blew up the central fountain with two M-80s, a bottle of amonia, mothballs, wax paper and a led pipe.

92. I am a professional writer. Don’t try this at home.

91. I’m preferred by 4 out of 5 dentists that chew gum.

90. I’m currently writing a novel, a screenplay, and a list of all the different types of lint I have found in my belly button.

89. Nine Inch Nails is my favorite band of all-time.

88. I believe organized religion is the most dangerous thing on Earth.

87. I believe violent criminals should be executed immediately after being convicted.

86. My mother went to work one morning when I was thirteen and never came home.

85. My father’s opinion is one of two that matters to me.

84. Mine is the only other one.

83. I am doing exactly what I thought I’d be doing when I was ten.

82. I don’t like to drive.

81. Consequently, I don’t own a car.

80. Regret is the worse feeling in the world.

79. I had a Rottweiler named Stoneyhill Briar Ben Cobalt Blue. He died in 2002 of complications from a Lyme Disease Vaccination.

78. The happiest I have ever been professionally was May of 2001.

77. I got more hits from a post showing a topless girl (2008) than from a post revealing insider secrets of the dotbombing of shockwave.com

76. I don’t feel pain the way most people do.

75. I’ve been in the desert on a horse with no name.

74. I’ve been surfing since I was 9.

73. I wrote my first short story when I was in fourth grade.

72. My English teacher in high school thought I was a terrible writer.

71. My writing teacher in college thought I should learn to draw.

70. My high school English teacher is now a manager at a kinkos in Irvine.

69. My college writing instructor is now a high school driver’s ed teacher.

68. Coincidence? I think not.

67. I read as many books as I can get my hands on.

65. I have four completed screenplays gathering dust on my computer.

64. I am afraid of clowns.

63. I love halloween.

62. If I could pick anywhere in the world to live, I’d pick Maui. Which is fortunate since I moved here in June of 2004.

61. I can dance if I want to (did it professionally in college… wink wink).

60. I am as afraid of loving someone almost as much as I am of not being loved.

59. My girlfriend makes me a better person.

58. I wouldn’t do anything differently if I had it all to do over again.

57. I leave people broken & empty. It is one of the things I do best.

56. I refuse to be nice for the sake of being nice.

55. I don’t like losing, but when I do, I deal with it well.

54. I have few good friends, but the one’s who I do have are fantastic.

53. Most times, I’d rather be alone.

52. I’ve eaten at least one of just about everything that grows, crawls, flies, runs or swims.

51. I believe in God, but think human beings are undeserving of his grace.

50. I believe in myself.

49. I’ve run a marathon.

48. I had a 36″ vertical leap at one time.

47. I’m rarely ever wrong and it infuriates most people.

46. My favorite drink is a Vodka Martini, shaken not stirred.

45. My favorite author is Charles Buchowski.

44. I am unlike anyone you have ever met in your life.

43. I never hesitate to tell people what I’m thinking as I’m thinking it.

42. I’m honest to a fault.

41. I learned to snowboard in about 2 hours.

40. I’ve beaten another human being unconscious.

39. I am incredibly sarcastic.

38. I am emotionally numb.

37. I’d rather be reading right now.

35. I’ve never stolen anything.

34. I haven’t spoken to my mother in almost 19 years.

33. I have never cheated on a significant other.

32. I have three working computers in my apartment.

31. No two people who know me would describe me the same.

30. If I wasn’t a writer, I’d be a gourmet chef.

29. My favorite food is linguine & clams.

28. I like taking pictures.

27. Reading Stephen King is my guilty pleasure.

26. I want to die in a hail of gunfire.

25. I hate being confined in a car for prolonged periods.

24. I see dead people.

23. I have more female friends than male friends.

22. I disliked my brothers immensely when I was younger.

21. My favorite quote is: “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than it is to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”

20. I was once addicted to bad relationships.

19. I am self-conscious about my toes.

18. The summer of my 15th year I went fishing every day.

17. I have zero tolerance for morons.

16. I have a tendency to forget the number 16 in lists. Thanks meimur.

15. I can be incredibly cruel to those of lower intellect.

14. If mind games were an olympic event, I could win a gold medal.

13. I believe all stereotypes are accurate (how do you think they become stereotypes?)

12. My favorite number is 13.

11. I have a tattoo of Quetzocoatl, the Aztec sun god, around my right bicep.

10. A steel ring pierces my left nipple.

09. I believe you are never given more than you can handle.

08. I own almost every Bruce Willis movie ever released.

07. Jennifer Aniston pushed me in Park City, Utah once.

06. I’m not a fan of cosmetic surgery or vanity in general.

05. I don’t like feeling manipulated.

04. I personally know a playboy playmate.

03. I am addicted to blogs.

02. This post has been edited from a previous version hosted on my old blog.

01. I don’t like people as a general rule.