Inherently Different

The One About The Monkey Diarist

100 Things You Should Know About Me…

100. English is my second language.

99. My favorite actor is Bruce Willis.

98. I started this site out of boredom.

97. According to the Weschler IQ scale, my IQ is 126.

96. I spent time in a Mexican prison. Seriously.

95. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was younger.

94. My favorite color is blue.

93. In highschool I blew up the central fountain with two M-80s, a bottle of amonia, mothballs, wax paper and a led pipe.

92. I am a professional writer. Don’t try this at home.

91. I’m preferred by 4 out of 5 dentists that chew gum.

90. I’m currently writing a novel, a screenplay, and a list of all the different types of lint I have found in my belly button.

89. Nine Inch Nails is my favorite band of all-time.

88. I believe organized religion is the most dangerous thing on Earth.

87. I believe violent criminals should be executed immediately after being convicted.

86. My mother went to work one morning when I was thirteen and never came home.

85. My father’s opinion is one of two that matters to me.

84. Mine is the only other one.

83. I am doing exactly what I thought I’d be doing when I was ten.

82. I don’t like to drive.

81. Consequently, I don’t own a car.

80. Regret is the worse feeling in the world.

79. I had a Rottweiler named Stoneyhill Briar Ben Cobalt Blue. He died in 2002 of complications from a Lyme Disease Vaccination.

78. The happiest I have ever been professionally was May of 2001.

77. I got more hits from a post showing a topless girl (2008) than from a post revealing insider secrets of the dotbombing of

76. I don’t feel pain the way most people do.

75. I’ve been in the desert on a horse with no name.

74. I’ve been surfing since I was 9.

73. I wrote my first short story when I was in fourth grade.

72. My English teacher in high school thought I was a terrible writer.

71. My writing teacher in college thought I should learn to draw.

70. My high school English teacher is now a manager at a kinkos in Irvine.

69. My college writing instructor is now a high school driver’s ed teacher.

68. Coincidence? I think not.

67. I read as many books as I can get my hands on.

65. I have four completed screenplays gathering dust on my computer.

64. I am afraid of clowns.

63. I love halloween.

62. If I could pick anywhere in the world to live, I’d pick Maui. Which is fortunate since I moved here in June of 2004.

61. I can dance if I want to (did it professionally in college… wink wink).

60. I am as afraid of loving someone almost as much as I am of not being loved.

59. My girlfriend makes me a better person.

58. I wouldn’t do anything differently if I had it all to do over again.

57. I leave people broken & empty. It is one of the things I do best.

56. I refuse to be nice for the sake of being nice.

55. I don’t like losing, but when I do, I deal with it well.

54. I have few good friends, but the one’s who I do have are fantastic.

53. Most times, I’d rather be alone.

52. I’ve eaten at least one of just about everything that grows, crawls, flies, runs or swims.

51. I believe in God, but think human beings are undeserving of his grace.

50. I believe in myself.

49. I’ve run a marathon.

48. I had a 36″ vertical leap at one time.

47. I’m rarely ever wrong and it infuriates most people.

46. My favorite drink is a Vodka Martini, shaken not stirred.

45. My favorite author is Charles Buchowski.

44. I am unlike anyone you have ever met in your life.

43. I never hesitate to tell people what I’m thinking as I’m thinking it.

42. I’m honest to a fault.

41. I learned to snowboard in about 2 hours.

40. I’ve beaten another human being unconscious.

39. I am incredibly sarcastic.

38. I am emotionally numb.

37. I’d rather be reading right now.

35. I’ve never stolen anything.

34. I haven’t spoken to my mother in almost 19 years.

33. I have never cheated on a significant other.

32. I have three working computers in my apartment.

31. No two people who know me would describe me the same.

30. If I wasn’t a writer, I’d be a gourmet chef.

29. My favorite food is linguine & clams.

28. I like taking pictures.

27. Reading Stephen King is my guilty pleasure.

26. I want to die in a hail of gunfire.

25. I hate being confined in a car for prolonged periods.

24. I see dead people.

23. I have more female friends than male friends.

22. I disliked my brothers immensely when I was younger.

21. My favorite quote is: “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than it is to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”

20. I was once addicted to bad relationships.

19. I am self-conscious about my toes.

18. The summer of my 15th year I went fishing every day.

17. I have zero tolerance for morons.

16. I have a tendency to forget the number 16 in lists. Thanks meimur.

15. I can be incredibly cruel to those of lower intellect.

14. If mind games were an olympic event, I could win a gold medal.

13. I believe all stereotypes are accurate (how do you think they become stereotypes?)

12. My favorite number is 13.

11. I have a tattoo of Quetzocoatl, the Aztec sun god, around my right bicep.

10. A steel ring pierces my left nipple.

09. I believe you are never given more than you can handle.

08. I own almost every Bruce Willis movie ever released.

07. Jennifer Aniston pushed me in Park City, Utah once.

06. I’m not a fan of cosmetic surgery or vanity in general.

05. I don’t like feeling manipulated.

04. I personally know a playboy playmate.

03. I am addicted to blogs.

02. This post has been edited from a previous version hosted on my old blog.

01. I don’t like people as a general rule.

10 thoughts on “The One About The Monkey Diarist”

  1. I’d like stories. Particularly those involving #96, #93, how your dog ended up with the name given in #79, #61, and #40.

    Also, you have no #16.

  2. Answers for meimur:
    96. I grew up in San Diego. Went across the border to Tijuana with some friends & we got into a bar brawl, everyone arrested. Every parent but mine bailed out their kid. I spent 28 days in the mexican hoosegow because my dad thought it would be a valuable lesson.
    93. Ever read the anarchist’s cookbook? Good read for a 17 year old with more balls than brains.
    79. Stoneyhill (name of breeder) Briar (name of sire) Ben (name of bitch) Cobalt (name of litter) Blue (name of puppy). Stone for short.
    61. When one of your friends says, “Hey, you can make a lot of money and it’s easy,” it may be true, but you may have to take off your clothes in front of a bunch of sex crazed bachelorettes.
    40. I was one of those people who learned to communicate through violence. Some unlucky bastard in high school bore the brunt of my anger one day.

  3. Answers for Brian:
    #7: When Jennifer was in Park City, Utah promoting “The Good Girl” at the Sundance Film Festival, I arrived on the scene in time to catch her and her entourage moving through the crowds. As the crowd surrounded her, I unknowingly got in the way of her egress. She forcefully put a hand on my chest and pushed me out of her way. I didn’t even know it was her until she had passed me.

  4. oh my god this is crazy. you are like so sweet one second and the next you are beating people unconscious. Lets see here:
    #100 – so cute – spanish must be your numero uno language then?
    #97 – i am thinking it is higher
    #86 – that is really sad, but explains many of the other things
    #85 – that is sweet
    #76 – this is dangerous
    #60 – reminds me of someone else I know
    #59 – good
    #49 – wow
    #31 – after reading this that is not surprising

    by the way – i grew up in san diego too – actually spring valley/la mesa area but close enough. how old are you – or is that confidential?

  5. Does that mean that since I came away from your site realizing you’re a neurotic, whiney tramp that I can ask you to constantly complain about your lot in life on command? Just do it somewhere else… i’m pretty sure our relationship has run its course, which is to say, i’m already tired of you… lovies… e

  6. Man, learn some respect. You obviously have no idea how to speak to women and apparently are devoid of humour too.

    It’s really unbeleiveable the extent you have gone to, to repeatdly insult me. Please don’t visit my site, you’d be doing me an honour. Folks like you aren’t welcome anyway.

    People like you are exactly the reason why I like to keep my reader’s laughing instead of becoming miserable wretches like you.


    PS: I read your post on your mother, I have got to say that it was an upsetting read. And I’m truly sorry that that had to happen to you and your family. Also, we have one opportunity to live. Make the most of it and leave people smiling, it will help you sleep a little better.

    Oh and seyonara, I would really like this to be the last correspondence I ever have with you again.

  7. Not that I expect you to come back, this is really for the benefit of anyone else who reads your drivel on my site.

    Seriously, this dumbass CANNOT bet this stupid. Really. I don’t believe anyone is capable of this much ignorance.

    First and foremost, you don’t even know me and yet you come to my blog and insult me? It’s bad enough that your ESL ass followed me here from another blog, but it is even worse that you believe you have the right to tell me what I can and cannot do on the internet. “Don’t Vist your site?” HAHAHAHA… like you have the mental bandwidth to be able to tell if I visit your blog. You dumbass, I can do anything I want, and I doubt your modicum of technical knowledge would be any the wiser.

    As far as respect goes, it is earned… not given. And you’re an absolute tool if you think I’m going to respect someone who doesn’t even respect themselves! You’re a trollop, a tramp, a wasted piece of tissue! Now you can claim that I insulted you. Be gone you filthy mongrel.

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