As I stated before, I love fucking with people… and the internet scammer who sent me a message previously has responded to my romantic queries…
Dear Random Internet Email Addressee,
Many thanks for your urgent response to my proposal. I have all documentations to back us up to ensure smooth conclussion of the Transaction. So there is non room for doubt. All I need from you is your Indepted interest and Maximum support. The expenses that will incur in this deal,will be treated by the both of us.Percentage will not be our problem.All we have to think about is how to bring the money out of the Sampet security company.
You must understand that in the security companies chances or opportunities like this are common to the Staffs but not heard by poeple outside. People put their monies in security/Insurance company and some of these accounts are either coded or confidentially operated.Therefore,when such people die what do you think that happens to these monies when nobody comes for their claims? And if no claimant comes forward then the Management sends the money to the Debt Re-conversion Department and the account is closed.
Now the question is, who runs the Debt Re-conversion Department and who is the Management? The answer is simple. The Chairman, Managing Director and Board Members of the security company. These are individuals and these monies are shared amongst them and nobody asks questions period.In fact these issues are not even discussed outside board meetings.I have fully put everything in place and since this is an opportunity open to the both of us in Particular, I do not see anything wrong in what we are doing. I can only tell you that it is just destiny that brought us together. You are human being and you can draw your own judgement from the above explanations. I am quite sure of what I am doing that is why I am committing all my time in this project because I know what the catch is and it is worth it, The procedure of establishing the next of kin would be taken care of by me since this has to be certified by my office,being that I have all the documentation to cover you up,so do not worry about this.
However, this project involves a large sum of money therefore, I would want you to take your time before we commence. I am a woman of principle(widowed), with a respectful position here in the ECOWAS LAWYERS COUNCIL so i would want you to keep this project strickly confidencial so that the project is closed very smoothly and successfully. I need your quick response as soon as possible so that I will know what your position is before I give you further details of the project.You can understand that the money in question is huge so we both have to be very careful and sure of what we are doing before we commence. I will explain how this payment is going to be processed and paid into your account in my next mail.
Once again, this project remains absolutely confidential.On your full acceptance to assist in this transaction,I will give to you the direct contact of the security company for you to contact them directly and make open your demand by an letter of claim which I may prepare alongside and forward it to you for you to send by fax or Email.
I will be expecting your positive response as soon as possible.
Best wishes to you and your Family,
Mrs Caroline Dabla (Barrister)
Thank you so much for your prompt reply! For my part though, I apologize for the gap between when you wrote me and this message. I had a tough couple of days laid up in the emergency room. I mistakenly licked a Stomolophus meleagris jellyfish instead of the more innocuous Rhopilema verrilli jellyfish. While they may look the same, the first has a much more potent neurotoxin. It simultaneously loosens your bowels and your esophogeal ganglea. I was throwing up everything that wasn’t bolted down and evacuating my nether regions if you know what I mean… I ate a chimichanga, you know one of those frozen ones you can get at 7-11 (do they have 7-11s over there in Zimbabwe or whereever you’re from?) and I was tasting that little nugget of fast food goodness coming and going for three days.
Anyway, back to the subject at hand: My dearly departed (well-not really, but I have to play the part of grieving nephew right? Wink!) long lost uncle and how I’m going to be even richer than I am now! Yay me! Can you imagine? All that money just sitting there in some random office? I mean, don’t these people know that money is made to be spent on hookers, heroin and frozen chimichangas?
I am ready and willing to do whatever it takes to get my money. I’m sorry you’re a widow. Perhaps once I get the cash, you and I might explore the benefits of our new found wealth together. I’ve never hooked up with a lawyer before… I always thought they were good for getting you out of trouble, like the time I was accused of inappropriately touching my neighbors cat. It might be fun to discuss habeas corpus delecti with you. <grin>
Anyway, let me know what I need to do to get this settled up. I have plans for all that money! I’m thinking of opening up a chain of chimichanga stands… how’s this for a name? “Gimme A Chimmi”
5 thoughts on “king of the mountain part II”
Hahaha – awesome.
this is awesome! I heart Ed.
I think they’re vegans! I have not heard a peep since i mentioned the chimichanga hut!
Vegans taste like chicken.
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