how to be invisible

I disappear sometimes. Not in any real way, that’s impossible of course. I disappear from expectations and from responsibility. I’ve done it a various times in my life and find myself doing it again lately. Hence the long periods without much going on here on this old blog. I’ve been writing a blog for a very, very long time… longer than most I would imagine. My blog has existed in one form or another since 1991 and I’ve rarely run out of things to write about.

Unfortunately I find myself vanishing slowly. I don’t have a lot to say and the things that used to bother me bore me. If they bore me, I’m sure writing about it would only bore you. How can it not if my heart isn’t in it anymore. I still read a few blogs, but nowhere near the number I read when blogging wasn’t a form of self-promotion. I have a difficult time writing to gain popularity or notoriety because I am not looking for attention or acceptance. I write because I generally enjoy discourse. I write something, people comment, I respond.

That happens a lot less lately and it could very well be because I post so infrequently that my one time loyal readers come visit less often. Or it could be that I’ve outgrown this particular habit. Five years is a long time. I don’t think there is anyone on my blogroll who has written for five years… well except 6togo who I’ve known in real life for about as long as I’ve been blogging (we’ve even shared a glass of Courvosier and toasted our mutual admiration of the "ladies man" Leon Phelps). I’m not sure what that has to do with this post except to show that I do have a life outside of what I write here. Just because I don’t write about things here doesn’t mean things aren’t happening in my life. I just choose not to share them with relative strangers. I mean, if I told you all I was dying of cancer, I would imagine a few of you would be worried. If I told you I had less than a year to live, chances are you’d be worried AND a little upset that you now have less than a year in which to say goodbye.

Of course I do not have cancer and as far as I know, I will be alive and well a year from now. The question though is not IF, but WHERE. The Red Queen and I have discussed moving for a few months now and as much as I love living here, I know that I can’t live here forever. Eventually I will have to get a real job again and be responsible. It is very near the time when I can no longer be invisible and must once again be present for whatever it is life has in store. Chances are very good that I will write about it if and when I do decide to appear. Perhaps it will be in your town… and if that is the case, be afraid… be very afraid.