whatcha watcha want

There are few people on the planet who are as impatient with human incompetence and as unforgiving of it as I am. Give me a woman digging change out of her purse for 10 minutes just to avoid having 99 more cents weigh her handbag down and I will show you how quickly I can make her feel like a bucket of shit sans the bucket.

I know, horrible right?

I just have this thing about people being either self-centered or unaware how their failures affect the human traffic behind them.

Case in point. Today, I meander over to this new noodle place not too far from our home. I walk since its beautiful, hot and sunny. As I arrive, I find that I cannot actually get in because there is a rather large dual-wield baby carriage… (you know the kind that have side by side seats for your cute as buttons sperm culture?) blocking the entrance.

I am not yet in full asshole mode. I say to the elitist and privileged young couple who sit tiredly gazing at their two carpet monkeys as they slop food all over the floor, “Excuse me, do you mind if I back this up and move it out of the way so people can get in?”

The degenerate cocksucker says, “We’d prefer you didn’t… we don’t want anyone stealing our stuff.”

Thats pretty much the limit of my patience.

I pulled the four-wheel behemoth back out of the way and pushed it on a solo flight into the parking lot.

“Better go get it then,” I said and walked into the restaurant.

“Fag!” he says.

I stop and look at him and start laughing. I begin walking toward him, his gap-toothed, trailer-raised wife, and his two wiggling toe-headed bacteria farms and thats when it hits him.

“Sorry, just been a long day!” he says as they gather up the brood and leave.

The few people outside watching this unfold laugh and snicker and one guy even says good for you, but I know what they are thinking and it doesn’t really bother me. I figure if someone can be an inconsiderate asshole to a perfect stranger, its ok for me to be a violent asshole to a total tool.

I imagine some of you will think ill of me… perhaps even cement your impression that I am intolerant and to be honest, it doesn’t bother me. Some one, some how has to stand up to the inconsiderate and privileged who take advantage of civilization’s abhorrence of violent confrontations. I am not one to shy away from confrontation and there is at least one more tourist from bumfuck kansas who knows it now too.