Facebook is a rather interesting social application for a number of reasons, but to me the most interesting is how people interact and what options are available when something changes the dynamic of the “friendship.”
I haven’t really pursued many people for friendship. In most cases, people have contacted me and “befriended” me in this social network. Some of them I really felt indifferent about, and others I befriended despite my having misgivings about them as people. I mean, that some of these people were simply people I had a relationship, working or social, at one time or another, but for whatever reason, I never really gave a shit about them. You may ask why I would then allow them access to my social circle. The honest answer is that I was curious to see if they had changed from when I had day to day interactions with them.
Truth is, people NEVER change. They are the same, with slight deviations prompted by environment. Sort of like an alcoholic will remain an alcoholic his/her entire life, but if they choose to associate with other alcoholics, they will probably fail in their sobriety. Change your environment by not going to bars or eliminating those friends that can/will tempt your continued alcoholism, and chances are you’ll succeed in your sobriety, but you’ll still ultimately be an alcoholic underneath it all.
People’s social skills are the same. While someone can remove themselves from situations in which they won’t act like elitists, that part of your personality is ingrained and isn’t easily eliminated. Your upbringing will always win out over any recent experiences. So if you are an elitist, chances are you’ll always be an elitist no matter how you manipulate your environment to avoid situations where that personality trait can surface. Much like the alcoholic, the elitist can succeed in not acting like an elitist, but underneath it all that person is still an elitist.
I have an acquaintance who befriended my on facebook who I have always felt was kind of a snob. She grew up rich, she tends to hold a rather elitist view on a variety of topics, and is both a hypochondriac as well as a drama queen. She often says things that seriously defy logic, but often are self-serving in nature.
This particular woman has made comments on Facebook in the past that showcase her elitism and a few days ago she posited that people from San Francisco are “douchey” in general and specifically ones from San Francisco who dare to give an opinion about social events in Sacramento, where she now lives. I simply asked if ALL people from San Francisco were douchey or if people from Sacramento can also qualify for that label. I explained also that having spent some time driving through Sacramento and experiencing the type of person who lives there, I could say without much difficulty that there was just as many douchebags in Sacramento as anywhere else.
Clearly I knew that this comment would displease her. And I was right. She removed me from her friends list. And while she may feel that doing so is punishment, I laughed and consider it a badge of honor to not be considered worthy of her friendship.
I wonder if it makes me an elitist to not want to associate with other elitists…
Oh, I can’t believe she removed you from her friends list. I’d be mortified… for not having been able to “unfriend” her first. I, personally, get great joy from unfriending anyone that pisses me off. But that’s just me.
I seriously wish I could be bothered to care. The fact that it doesn’t bother me leads me to believe that I am a heartless, unfeeling, yet highly charismatic sociopath… unfortunately, I am also lazy and mustering up the energy to care, especially about someone deciding to “defriend” me is much more effort than I care to expend on a peripheral friend. I might even attempt to expend LESS energy (is that possible?) if the person is the type to want to defriend me before I defriend them.
I just recently went through my friend list and got rid of about a dozen people I 1. don’t care about, and 2. haven’t spoken to since they friended me on facebook. It felt pretty good.
I also try to keep Facebook pretty politically neutral. I have friends of all political persuasions and that’s not where I want to have my political arguments, so when I have a “friend” who is particularly aggressive about their politics, especially if I think they’re an idiot, they get defriended as well.
There were a few old friends who friended me on Facebook and when I looked at what they are up to now in life I was surprised… thinking wow, he/she’s really changed! But status update after status update has shown me in most cases that no, people don’t change much… now it is simply the same person in an adult form.
Also, I like it that you called her on her elitist-like statements. Most people won’t do that. The fact that you don’t care about being “defriended” as a result makes all the difference. This is one of the reasons I think you’re a pretty cool guy. 🙂
and @Frank – that’s a good idea. I think I need a Facebook cleanse as well.