Inherently Different

American Pie

I am of the very firm belief that latin women are crazier than shit house rats. That isn’t a racist comment, but a point of fact. I doubt there are as many crazy ass women in this world of other races combined as there are of crazy ass latin women.

Before you quickly dismiss me as a racist, I am speaking from a very real place of understanding. First and foremost, I have, in my life, been exposed to more crazy women than I care to admit. The truth is, that I spent the better part of my life being in relationships with crazy women of all races, but NOT ONE has ever come close to being as down right, under the outhouse burrow crazy as the latin women I have known. Of course, if latin women are the craziest on the planet, clearly my mother is their queen.

On the scale of crazy latin women, Mexican women are the absolute pinnacle of bugshit nutty. We’re talking "cut-your-penis-off-with-a-dull-rusty-pen-knife-while-you’re-sleeping" crazy here folks… EVERY SINGLE ILL BEGOTTEN ONE OF THEM. If you’re a Mexican woman and you’re reading this, yes, I am talking about you. You may hide it well, but down deep, where the meds can’t reach, you’re just one chipped Lee press-on nail away from killing a busload of tourists.

I know some of you may think I’m joking around, but I am in all god’s honest truth deadly serious. My gf and I talk about it all the time as she works with a Mexican woman who is perhaps my mother’s long lost sister (and to make things even more interesting, in an odd coincidental way, she shares my last name). She asks me why I don’t date latina women and I have to tell her of my experiences from the top down. My mother, my aunt (my father’s sister), a few female friends, a number of female business associates… all of them, without exception have done something that truly defies any attempt at rationalization. From killing the pet of a current boyfriend to setting an ex’s car on fire, these women could teach charles manson a thing or two about mental instability.

God forbid you are anything other than latin man married to a latin woman. Chances are you will have at one time or another considered matricide. Latin men, having been raised by latin women, are most likely better prepared for the straight-jacket wacko a latina is capable of. If you are currently married to a latina, first, I am sorry. Second, buy a gun, hide it, and prepare for the worst.

I would imagine if you visited a female prison for the criminally insane, it will be filled for the most part with latin women… and the hannibal lecter face mask wearing nut job buried in the darkest, lowest level will most likely be a Mexican.

Someday i should write a book about what I know about Mexican women. It would be the best selling horror novel of all time.

20 thoughts on “American Pie”

  1. Hey tontín, im latin as well.. well european latin along with the spanish (who btw colonized south america so now u know where the crazyness comes from…), the french, the portuguese and the italians. Now romanians (romania, rome, roman empire) are more latin that all of them so u see my point? Now forget the mexicans, they come second after romanians in terms of madness! haha but its ok we like to be mad! Hijole mamón! Hope i havent stirred smth inside u again.. no intentions in fighting. The change you made to your blog is awesome.. more agressive! Nice job!

  2. Exceptions? No.

    Rachel Ticotin? Spicy Crazy.
    Salma Hyak? Beautiful Crazy.
    Charo? Bugshit Crazy.
    Jennifer Lopez? Outhouse Crazy.
    Dolores Huerta? Socialist Crazy.
    Frida Kaholo? Artsy Fartsy Crazy.
    Sonia Braga? Comfortably Crazy.
    Rosario Dawson? Epic Crazy.
    Rosie Perez? Ghetto Crazy.
    Isabel Allende? Nuthouse Freakshow Crazy.

    There are no exeptions to the rule… all Latin women are absolutely nuts. Even everyday, ordinary latin women who aren’t famous are wacko. I guarantee you some freakshow latina will find this site, and leave some comment that pretty much proves my point. Just wait and see.

  3. Very interesting…Man I don’t even know were to start. Ok first of all I am Mexican and as much as I hate to say it e might be right. Not totally but a little. I will speak for myself here, not for every Mexican woman out there. I for one consider myself to be a very nice, fun loving person BUT if you MESS with me the wrong way, oh yea just like he says here. I will go crazy on you. But it would take alot to get me there, cause there are only 2 things that i can think of that will make me loose it. 1. Someone doing something to my kids. 2. A man trying to lay his hands on me. Other then that. I can’t see myself going nuts. So you shouldnt really put all Mexican woman in one category. Latin woman are like any other woman out there, they can only take so much of men’s crap. So when they have had enough that’s when they loose it. Just so I can prove my point Loraine Bobbit she was not Mexican. Hmm the only things in commen all of these crazy woman have is MEN! So there. I have to go home now , otherwise I would keep going. But maybe tomorrow I’ll come back and continue. So have a good day everyone!

    Una Mexicana un poco loca.

  4. Ok… first, Lorena Bobbit is from Ecuador. Women from Ecuador are latin… Ecuador=Latin America. And to the point, women from Ecuador are a close second to women from Mexico when it comes to mental instability.

    Second, I am pretty sure you are lying. Well, I think you’re lying about the two reasons you would go apeshit. I don’t doubt that those two reasons are valid, I just doubt those are the ONLY two reasons… for instance, I would imagine that if some internet stranger said you were bugshit crazy and couldn’t be convinced otherwise, and told everyone in the world through his blog that she was bugshit crazy, chances are you’d be thinking of ways to kill him… or at least make sure he didn’t reproduce.

    Also, I would imagine that if you were say in your car, at a red light, and some guy honked behind you for you to get your ass in gear, you’d get out of your car with a tire iron and beat him to death and then abscond. Or at the very least, pull out your keys and scratch, “SHUT THE FUCK UP COCKSUCKER!” into the paint on his hood while screaming obscenities in spanglish (this last one I have actually seen… my mom, back in 1974).

    No… you’re bugshit crazy… no question… you’re mexican… you can’t help it. You are genetically predisposed to either kill another human or torture animals…

  5. Amen!

    And i thought i was cool by stalking Limey´s ass and cutting cocks off! Well i definitely have to scratch someone´s car now! Yes, next victim will have it!

    Its funny, in a twisted way, but i guess its true, latin women and men have hot blood, its good in bed but not when you are at a stop light! Yes Dawn i am strange, i am the first to admit, i call myself weird monkey!

  6. oh. . .this is. . . interesting.

    Genetically predisposed to either kill another human or torture animals? Is that true for Mexican men too or just the women?

  7. Geez e it just seems to me like someone here is the one with a mental problem. Your mom has really screwed you up huh? I’m really really sorry to hear that. But unfortunately your wrong. We Mexicans do have very strong tempers but some of us have learned to manage that anger and live happy lives. I’m sorry if the people who you have been surounded by have not done the same but this lil Mexican has. I will be the first to admit that more then half my family will do what you have said but you can’t judge a whole race and gender by what one (or a couple of them) have done. It’s horrible that you have placed all Mexican women in such a category, I c it as the same thing if you would say all blacks live in the ghetto. Or that all white man are serial killers. I don’t know about you e. Have you tried going to see someone about this? Cause I seriously think you have some issues.

    This crazy Mexican has never done what you say and won’t ever do it. Unless for the 2 things I stated. I mean I would never, ever ever fight for no man. There are too many men in this world fo me to fight or go to jail for one. I would not go that low. It’s embarassing when a woman those this I dont’ care what race you are. If the man wanted to get with some other chick well then so be it. But he wont’ be hitting this chick any longer. Get my point. All Mexicans are not like you say. So please just admit to yourself that you have had issues in your childhood that have made you think what you think now and get some help. And I am not by any means trying to be mean. I really do think you went through something that has made you this way.

    Kill another human…My God! Never. Torture animals never!!! This is sick!

  8. My God… shes bitching more than me.. e! you managed to stirr her insides… she might even kill u now or at least do very bad things involving ur ass… im in!

  9. hahaha!! Funny Cris. I’ll let you do all the dirty work for me. He’s all yours. But in reality I’m not mad. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. And well e has his, based on prior exeriences, so be it. :0) I won’t torture him or kill him I SWEAR. Unless he shows up at my front door and tries to kill ME well… IT’S ON. Otherwise, he’s safe. His ASS cris is all yours. ;0) Enjoy.

  10. HAHAHAHAHAH… oh man. I think the real issue here isn’t so much that I was abused as a child… I believe it is that some people have a difficult time discerning the difference between parody and reality.

    My comments to you Marisol, were meant only as a tongue in cheek response to your comment. Of course, I also know that Mexican women are NOTORIOUSLY without a sense of humor so I guess I could forgive your knee jerk reaction to my comment.

    Do I believe you are capable of murder? Yes. You are human and as a human you are capable. Would you do it? Possibly under the right set of circumstances. Are you crazy? Clearly, if you take anything you read on some strangers blog seriously you are the one with mental issues.

    As for me, I have made my peace with my childhood and hold no ill will towards women or mexican women. I have a number of crazy ass latina friends (only one of which attempted to kill her husband appropo of nothing… well, he did accidently put her delicates into the normal wash cycle).

    Please, if you are unable to see sarcasm and parody in my posts, perhaps it is better that you refrain from reading. Have a good day… and don’t kill anyone please.

  11. e. I understand you don’t know me at all and wouldnt’ be able to tell that I am not at all taking this personal or that serious. I think it’s funny. You can ask Dawn. She knows me well. And I’ll restrain from killing anyone because of this. ;0)

  12. Hahaha! Cris you are being funny now, I might actually start to like you. I don’t get the circumcision comment though.

    And as for you miss solmari – I do know you well and you are one of my very favorite people. And you are a fun-loving, super sweet, beautiful woman. That being said, I *know* you would kick some serious ass if somebody did something to you or your family. And to be honest I have always thought that had something to do with you being Mexican. Now I sound prejudiced! All I know is that I’d be scared to mess with you or any of your sisters. That is part of what makes you who you are – and I like who you are. Now stop drafting those murder plans and mail me some flautas.

  13. lol. :0) Thanks for all the nice complements! After i’m done sending e that package with the bomb in it. I’ll send you your flautas! :0) Actually you need to come visit me for those. 😉

  14. Cris has always been funny… crazy, but funny. As far as solmari is concerned, being pretty, mexican, and crazy is not impossible… See note above about Salma Hayek. In fact, the prettier the Mexican woman, the crazier she is. I would argue that an ugly mexican woman is possibly the only type of Mexican woman who is reasonably free from the curse of mental instability… so, in all actuality, I am complimenting crazy mexican women! I win!

  15. So e.. no circumcision mate? Bummer! And i had all the instruments lined up ready to begin the wonderful jorney of being castrated, i mean… circumscised, now that Solmari was giving me the honour to enjoy you! So now all is back to normal again… and i have no thingy to torture i guess.. De puta madre! Just great! Oh well i can just take more pics of my ass or smth….

  16. hahahahaha!! Cris your funny. Don’t let the fun end, if I were you I’d still go ahead and do it. Oh no! The truth has come out. I’m nuts!! :0)

    E. Umm thanks?? I guess. Since your complimenting me I guess?? ;0)

  17. Thanks, its ok Marisol… can i call you Marisol without having my balls amputated? Well im on vacation now so i have to let other ppl be funny for a change! But its great to have some time off and for the rest of the gang to stop getting shit from me for a while. It was fun e! I am not that bad really, am i? Well im still mad but thats not too bad ey mate?

    Cheers and take care monkey ass!

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